Meditation for Reals and Candida overgrowth?!

I had the right idea when I posted last, about striving for something for a long period of time and I worried it was too vague. Yep, it was. And what's funny is that since I've written last I took a great class about "Change" and attempted a 30 day challenge to help change my thought process.

What you do is, throughout the day write down 10 negative thoughts you have and then 2 positive thoughts for each negative one. The first positive is the opposite like "I'm lazy" and "I am NOT lazy" which I think is kind of silly because I am lazy... often. BUT my best self isn't! See, I did learn how to reframe some thoughts :-P Then you add another happy thought just for kicks and giggles. I had a hard time coming up with the negative thoughts and it bothered me to have to brainstorm negative things!

THEN I discovered a "40 day Meditation" that a group was doing. The class is once a week for six weeks via Ustream. It's taught by Felice Austin, the author of The Gift of Giving Life. She is also a Mother, hypnotherapist, and Kundilini Yoga and Meditation teacher. It started on November 13th 2012 and it is FASINATING. Rob thinks it's completley wierd so I don't talk too much about it. He did say, "Tell me when you get to day 10." You're on.

I did begin a meditation journal to write down my thoughts and experiences with it, as well as some notes from the classes. I thought to write blog posts about it, but I think writing physically is good for me and it's an easy reference to grab instead of getting online.

I am owning the fact that I have started this 40 Day Meditation 4 times already! I'm on Day 4, completed :-) Farthest I've gotten. I usually do a simple 7 minute mediation. I may only do that much time because what's important to me at this point is just DOING it each day.

CANDIDA OVERGROWTH?!

I need a place to vent and WHINE and most importantly, I hope to PROGRESS. With my last 3 out of 5 babies I have had yeast in my breasts. People usually call it 'thrush' but there are no issues in my little one's mouth thank goodness! I had NO idea what the heck the stabbing shooting pain was with baby #3 and I learned a bit here and there, was partially in denial, tried a few natural things, refused to go to my midwife for an RX because I was going through a phase, FAILED at a yeast free diet and weaned her early :-( That makes no sense to me now, but at least she was ten and a half months old, so I did do lots of good. Got to remember that.

With baby #4 I finally said forget this and took diflucan, which worked just fine.

Now, with baby #5 I have taken a 150mg of flucanazole two days apart and a week later I took 200mg of flucanazole for five days in a row. I was not very good at applying nystatin cream as it's a pain to wipe off before hand, but I did do it some. Not ideal. Guess what?! It's still RAGING. I am enjoying a moment of no pain. I've been taking Motrin nearly daily for probably a week, mostly just once, but somtimes twice and it's usually 3-4 that will actually help with the pain.

I ate three large celery sticks with peanut butter for breakfast and I'm hungry. I'm not even supposed to eat peanut butter, but it's better than toast or jam :-P If you didn't check out the link, I basically need to stick to veggies, meat/beans/legumes, and perhaps small amounts of grains. NO sugar, NO foods with yeast/mold (pb, mushrooms, soy)... I don't honestly believe that I will do this 100% because I lack SOOOOOOO much in self-discipline. Last night I felt like an alcoholic as I did have one chocolate with my girls and then left for an errand and thoroughly enjoyed two more all by myself. MMMMM.

Why do we sometimes do things that are (literally) painful for us? I think I am addicted to sugar. I don't necessarily want it every day, though I'm not opposed to that usually (I've been waaay better lately because of this whole thing), but when I do have it I don't stop at ONE thing... EVER. If you're like my husband and don't understand whatsoever, Kris Carr paints a great picture of this on her site. She also talks in either Hungry For Change or Food Matters about sugar addiction. She'd eat several brownies or what have you, and then have to throw them away so she wouldn't eat more. (Done that!) Then she'd get them OUT of the trash to eat more. Then she discovered spraying them with windex would do the trick. I haven't done that one, but I can relate :-P More later...