Need to write down my thoughts!

On Tuesday I learned that I am expecting our 5th child! I was going to be a patient, understanding wife when Rob got home nearly, ten hours after I found out, and let him sit down and listen to his day. When he walked in the door and said "Someone's been busy!" (Thank you dear for noticing my efforts in picking up... yes I wanted you in a good mood :-) I gave him a hug and whispered with a grin "I'm pregnant!" His immediate response was "Ohh,I'm not surprised," as in "oh boy!" He told me after he sit down and looked slightly dazed that he was actually thinking about it on the way home, wondering if I was pregnant and if my period hadn't come, he wanted me to pee on a stick tonight. Done!

We both feel like we should wait to tell anyone. It's so new and unreal in many ways. We'd been wondering, mostly me since I started feeling nauseous two weeks ago, but that ended up being a lovely stomach flu. Since that's faded (thank goodness!) I have felt a little queasy a couple of times, but it's entirely mild and I'm going to enjoy that while I can. I tend to get fairly nauseous I'm guessing around 8 weeks or so. I remember that for my 2nd pregnancy because I was traveling so it hit hard, but it didn't go away after I got home. Some with my last pregnancy. Wow, I'm going to stop thinking about feeling that way. NOT looking forward to that.

I looked up wrist bands at a friend's suggestion. Yes, Becca is my one friend that knows. I had to tell someone, a girl, that I can talk to :-D I didn't see anything 'colorful' except for the child size that she got for her daughter for her bus rides. I've read that peppermint can be helpful and ginger and orange essential oil. I have the first, but I might look into ginger since that stood out the most when I looked it up. Maybe some ginger things to suck on to. I just want to be armed because being nauseous STINKS!

Well, I'll write super soon. TONS of my mind! The scary movie that I incidentally rented and could not finish is over so I'll chat with Rob. Be back soon. Later!

Okay, so this post was started last night and I had to change the blog name and title since in my tiredness, I mistakenly misquoted Elder Oaks :-P

So, I just have to say that I am happy and trying to be humbly grateful. I feel blessed for being super fertile. I feel silly for telling everybody and their brother that I'm not ready to have a baby two years a part. Sorry baby. Now that it's a reality I feel fine! My attitude is entirely different than when we learned of my pregnancy with Addy. Lots of mixed emotions. It was a rough time financially. I was so mad at myself for letting myself go and gaining weight right before I got pregnant. Not going to be THAT girl! This is too important and I'm so glad that Addy decided to come when she did. She's awesome!!! All of our girls are.

I am 15 pounds over weight. It was nearly 20ish until I got the stomach flu. I'll make a page all about Gettin' Movin' for this pregnancy. I am going to be in shape if I can help it! And by that, I don't mean lose weight. I just mean, healthy, flexible, and strong. I do worry about exhaustion and nausea sucking my desire from me, but perhaps with simple goals and lots of prayer for help, I'll be fine. For now though, I have walked or done yoga or both every day sine Tuesday, when I found out, and I feel GREAT! I know now is the time to take advantage of what I can do with not so pregnant belly and to keep progressing while I grow, not after I've grown a ton and my body is all the more out of shape. Uh uh!

Yesterday I was able to attend the temple to do baptisms after I dropped off Bri at pre-school and Addy at my friend and visiting teacher Erika's house. Rob was at an appointment for his CT scan on his eye and brain since he's lost vision this year. It started last November and he figured he needed glasses, got them in Feb. Went back in March with no help for the right eye, went to the Moran Eye Center to see a neuro opthamologist, discovered it's his retina that's causing the issue, later saw a retinologist, did a BUNCH of testing with both people, blood work up the wazoo, and no answers. So, I'm hoping and praying that there won't be anything life threatening that they fine. Part of me hopes there's an answer so it can be rectified and part of me figures no answer might not be so bad because I don't want a brain tumor to be the answer! I'm grateful, however, that I've learned about natural therapies to fight cancer and other issues. He's not open to this stuff, unless there aren't other options.

His CT scan took a total of 20 minutes, which he ended up doing later in the day since they hadn't approved it with our insurance until later in the day. He has an IV with iodine in it, I assume to be looking at the vessels in his eye/head. His appointment in SLC with Dr. Vitale, the retinologist is Monday October 3rd.

Okay, back to the temple. I have only been once I think since Addy was born. I've meant to go and just didn't make it happen. I even asked my Mom a while back about me attempting to go once a week. I would love that! I was the only person there and the people were so friendly. I love that. I used to feel awkward since I'm an adult. Not anymore. I'm just glad to be in the temple and to help others who may be waiting to be a part of the Gospel. I actually felt the spirit very strongly there. I think I was just glad to be there, where it's peaceful and holy. I didn't want to leave. After I was done, I sat in the chapel and read my scriptures and prayed. It was so wonderful.

When I picked up Addy Erika said she was great and followed her around. Thank you! I'd never left her alone with anyone I don't think, besides family. She's usually with her sisters. As we picked up toys Erika said whenever I want to go, just let her know. And I said whenever you're willing, I'll go. "If you want to go once a week, that would be fine," and the tears started. "Really? ...Thank you." So Thursday's my day do go. I'm so grateful to Erika and so happy!

I truly believe that by going often, having it in my mind to be prepared spiritually to go, will help me in my mothering and learning to love Rob unconditionally. Since I learned of our pregnancy, I have dropped the "Me, me, me song." I want to be close to Rob and be there for each other for so many reasons, especially right now. I can't do that very well if I'm whining instead of counting my blessings and doing my best. I think perspective will help me make the small and big decisions in my life that affect myself and my family. I KNOW that if I learn to be cheerful and affectionate and giving, Rob will change his attitude as well. We've felt very stuck for a while since we are so different, our interests are different, and we're thinking about ourselves instead of each other. I truly believe that one of the most common things that destroys marriages is selfishness.

Some things I want to implement, but I have a very hard time doing are daily scripture study and prayer (we do okay on prayers, but still need improvement) and weekly Family Home Evening- including Rob. I have attempted it by myself and that's nice, but it's not our whole family, which doesn't feel right anymore. My plan is to use the lessons for ValuesParenting.com because they are about values, not spiritual things. I'm sure we can incorporate that into it, but for now I want to focus on building family unity and helping Rob to lead our family. He's largely given up on that role beause am admittedly and control freak! My way or the highway, which has to stop. I've been better lately. We need to work together. It's not easy when we completely disagree so it will be a work in progress, that's for sure.

Lastly, I want to teach Emma to read and help Katie improve on her reading. She did the reading program at school this summer and she stayed at the same level which is good because she at least didn't get behind. We have largely failed her though, I'm sad to admit because we've gotten worse and worse about reading stories. I often don't have the desire or patience and Rob doesn't love to read out loud and now he can't see well out of the one eye. I forgot to mention that his vision is 20/100! I don't do well with setting goals, but I am a list maker so I'm hoping this will be a place to gather my thoughts, and keep track of my efforts to be the wife and mother I am meant to be. This is my work; the most important thing I will ever do in this life.