DAYS 3 & 4
My mind is getting foggier and foggier as this week goes by and my 'consciousness' is waning. This is what always happens. Gotta keep going, if it there's not a whole lot to report. There are some decent amount of stresses going on with Rob starting a new job and adjusting to our new income. It's going to get a little ugly in some ways, but I absolutely believe this was meant to be and as long as we try to stay close and be team players, we'll pull through this as happy as ever. Biggest thing I need to change ASAP, like NOW is to stop checking out mentally/emotionally. Today is classic. I have no idea how much time I've spent on the computer and it has to stop. So let me get these thoughts out and move on.
Couple of thoughts... I remembered yesterday that I used to have this fear when I was a teenager and perhaps 20 something (still am, just haven't felt this for a long time) that when all was well and going good, 'what is going to happen to make it come crashing down?' I honestly wonder if that's part of the reason I underachieve almost always. If I do that, things can't come crashing down or I can't make as many mistakes! Just thought that was really good to be aware of. I need to let that panicky feeling wash over me and just roll with the punches, be happy for the progress I'm making and don't be so disappointed when it's not as ideal as I'd like.
Played a simple game with Katie yesterday and then Emma, except Emma made her own game up and she LOVED playing with me. Individual time with my girls is so important. A habit I must create. It was really FUN even if it was brief and I know the more I do that, the more I will WANT to do it and the more naturally it will come to me.
Sweet Bri got 3 big stitches on the back of her head last night. Daddy took her because she listens WAAAAY better to Daddy, especially after this week where Mommy's way to close to joining the funny farm due to being overwhelmed. She did great and thankfully they didn't have to wait long at all. Feew! What a trooper, that girl :-> She's our most stubborn and difficult child. The lucky girl gets to be the middlest! But she also has this super sweet and affectionate side that just makes you melt!
Planning for a better day tomorrow and for better weather. Hoping to have a play group at the park if the weather is better. Offered for it to be at our home if it's not nice out, but I did NOTHING to get ready for that (aka attack the toy room) so pray for good weather!
Monday, July 16, 2012
Saturday, July 14, 2012
40 Days of Conscious Awareness- Day 3
DAY 3
I officially need to do two things. #1 more sleep and #2 to write my post the night OF. The day before is foggy when it comes to those little things here or there that I felt were a step in the right direction or being a YES mom.
All I can honeslty remember is that before we left to play at Nana's, our home was clean and I told the girls that their Daddy would think he walked into the wrong house! That RARELY happens :-) I did read my scriptures, but I forgot the calm heart medication. Darn!
I had a great chat with Tiffany from The Power of Moms. I inquired about setting up a retreat here in my area so I wouldn't have to travel to one in Utah and it would be discounted. Well, it's actually free, plus a wee bit of moola for my time. Ye-haw! Anyway, we just went over the things I need to get started on now. I've already found a GREAT location in Rigby at a fellow SAHM's house. It's awesome. Now I just need to find a great sandwhich shop, chair rentals, and a microphone for now. I'm also starting to create a small Retreat Team that will help with logisitcs, mostly on the day of, but some beforehand as well.
I also had the best chat with my brother Patrick! I've decided that we could be awesome friends (kinda hard since he lives on the East Coast) and we're going to be. We've been this far apart since I left for college and he was still in the Navy so we've never really had an extended period of time to because great friends. Bummer! We plan on skyping weekly with the kiddos so they can stay in touch. Very happy about that!
When he was visiting town last week we discoverd a couple of amazing healthy modalities. One was Joy Coaching , Laghter Yoga and the other was Energy Healing. A-Mazing. And now I got on this hypnosis education kick so I'm in the GLORY. My favorite thing to do on earth is honestly learning and helping people. I swear Patrick said something about wanting to be a healer. Don't quote me, but he must have because it's like he took the words out of my mouth. I've said the same thing to my Dad. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know I want it be something like that. And I don't mean some voo doo crazy person (though some people will disagree), but I want to truly help those with whom I meet, #1 being my family and loved ones :-D
Okay, off to do something else and resist looking incessantly for a job a don't want, but feel partially the need to find. Gotta do some soul searching here and what will be best for us. Later!
I officially need to do two things. #1 more sleep and #2 to write my post the night OF. The day before is foggy when it comes to those little things here or there that I felt were a step in the right direction or being a YES mom.
All I can honeslty remember is that before we left to play at Nana's, our home was clean and I told the girls that their Daddy would think he walked into the wrong house! That RARELY happens :-) I did read my scriptures, but I forgot the calm heart medication. Darn!
I had a great chat with Tiffany from The Power of Moms. I inquired about setting up a retreat here in my area so I wouldn't have to travel to one in Utah and it would be discounted. Well, it's actually free, plus a wee bit of moola for my time. Ye-haw! Anyway, we just went over the things I need to get started on now. I've already found a GREAT location in Rigby at a fellow SAHM's house. It's awesome. Now I just need to find a great sandwhich shop, chair rentals, and a microphone for now. I'm also starting to create a small Retreat Team that will help with logisitcs, mostly on the day of, but some beforehand as well.
I also had the best chat with my brother Patrick! I've decided that we could be awesome friends (kinda hard since he lives on the East Coast) and we're going to be. We've been this far apart since I left for college and he was still in the Navy so we've never really had an extended period of time to because great friends. Bummer! We plan on skyping weekly with the kiddos so they can stay in touch. Very happy about that!
When he was visiting town last week we discoverd a couple of amazing healthy modalities. One was Joy Coaching , Laghter Yoga and the other was Energy Healing. A-Mazing. And now I got on this hypnosis education kick so I'm in the GLORY. My favorite thing to do on earth is honestly learning and helping people. I swear Patrick said something about wanting to be a healer. Don't quote me, but he must have because it's like he took the words out of my mouth. I've said the same thing to my Dad. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know I want it be something like that. And I don't mean some voo doo crazy person (though some people will disagree), but I want to truly help those with whom I meet, #1 being my family and loved ones :-D
Okay, off to do something else and resist looking incessantly for a job a don't want, but feel partially the need to find. Gotta do some soul searching here and what will be best for us. Later!
Friday, July 13, 2012
40 Days of Conscious Living- Day 2
DAY 2
After a complete fail last night at bed time... lost my cool and felt like I have NO IDEA what to do about a child who gets out of bed incessantly! Super grumpy this morning and even when Rob came home, but after some talking and tears (me not Rob, in case you were wondering :-P) I felt calmer and motivated to do better and be happier by the time he got home. Thankfully it happened sooner than later. I was glad that Addy and Megan decided to stop crying at the same time right as Rob was getting home for lunch. Then they were decent for a bit after that. After some more nursing and putting Megan in my room where it was quiet she decided to sleep for a LONG time. Like hours! She does tend to do that after being fairly needy, she crashes :-) Love that girl already and not just because she sleeps for long stretches sometimes. She's just awesome all together!
Instead of finishing laundry and dishes (ideal) I attacked our SCARY closet in the hallway that houses all of the girls' coloring/crafty type supplies, and a plethora of random things that get shoved in there. I filled up most of my 'paper' box for recycling (a diaper box) and two grocery bags of trash. Wa-hoo! While I was doing this, I let the girls color which isn't out of the ordinary, but I did say YES to them using some poster board and YES to paints. I am a NO mom, wanting to convert to being a YES mom. The reason? Usually the NO is because I don't want to deal with it. I'm tired of being a tired, grumpy, DONE mom. I love to see them smile when I say YES.
I read them stories on the couch earlier for kicks and at bed time and sang Bri a song. That's one of her favorite parts of bed time. Didn't keep her there for very long, but she was a lot calmer tonight and so was I, though I still won't feel successful until she goes to bed without a spanking. That doesn't happen all the time, but more often than I want. I hated being spanked and yet I have NO IDEA how to get her to listen. NO JUDGING please.
I actually made dinner, though I totally torched the burgers so I can never give Rob crap again for doing the same thing. Oops. My excuse was that I was nursing and didn't want to have to put her down to flip them several times, but I will ask for assistance in the future. I can taste the charcoal, I mean burger, if I think about it. Eeek!
Our Family Rules Chart is working fairly well. I got the idea from here. I'm still seeing how they work and may tweak it to meet our needs, but so far it's helping ME discipline more consistently because I often avoid it which creates monsters (like I was). I love my girls and I want them to grow up healthy and happy. I had a great childhood and my parents stopped at 2 kiddos which helped them to not be crazy like I feel lately. Love them!
Next goal is to get us on a schedule. I'm going to pay for my activities tonight which was a 2 hour class online which took more like 3 because kids weren't all asleep until 11:13pm. Tomorrow is going to suck for me, but my plan is to get the girls up by 8 or 8:30am at the absolute latest. I have to follow through now because it's in writing right? I didn't get them up on time because I was dreading my responsibilities and I hate that feeling. I don't think it's hormonal like PPD. I think it's just feeling completely overwhelmed with needs and the responsibility I haven't taken time to perfect. BABY STEPS right? Trying to look at the bright side.
One last thing. REALLY want to find a way to make some money at home. I have one potential opportunity I'm waiting to hear on. That is my only option at this point if I'm going to keep my sanity. Working out of the home would be way too stressful just yet with a newborn. If you know of anything holler! Not sales though. Heck no.
Okay one more last thing. The class I took is from a free Hypnosis course. Then if you like it after getting a taste of it, you can go on to finish the entire thing a become a Hypnotherapist. I learned about it from a gal I've chatted with who went to this school. REALLY wish I could continue on after I finish this in the next 4 weeks. This is one of the few things that would normally be affordable that I've looked into. I learned more in these 2 hours than I have at all about hypnosis and it makes sooooooo much sense. I understand more about myself and how others behave. Can't wait to try out the homework on my girls and Rob :-> Anyone else? At least I know it's there and I'll have a better idea of my interest in it after finishing the course and picking this gal's brain about how she likes her work. If it's meant to be it will work out when the time is right :-)
40 Days of Conscious Living
DAY 1
When I want to improve I tend to back out fairly quickly. It lasts a few days and then it's back to normal. One reason is pure laziness. Another is often emotional. I throw my hands in the air and say, "Forget it!" Lastly, I often want to change so much at once that I'm overwhelmed by the things I should do, so I don't do anything. I've done this since I was a teenager if not younger. My parents can attest to this!
I've been learning a little bit about meditation and energy work, two things I want to dive deeper into. One idea is to choose a mantra meditation like this and do it for 40 days. I've also heard of people having a "babymoon" (the restful period of time after giving birth) for 40 days. I didn't choose to do that latter. The point is that there's a lot of significance to that number that I hope to learn more about as well.
When I want to improve I tend to back out fairly quickly. It lasts a few days and then it's back to normal. One reason is pure laziness. Another is often emotional. I throw my hands in the air and say, "Forget it!" Lastly, I often want to change so much at once that I'm overwhelmed by the things I should do, so I don't do anything. I've done this since I was a teenager if not younger. My parents can attest to this!
I've been learning a little bit about meditation and energy work, two things I want to dive deeper into. One idea is to choose a mantra meditation like this and do it for 40 days. I've also heard of people having a "babymoon" (the restful period of time after giving birth) for 40 days. I didn't choose to do that latter. The point is that there's a lot of significance to that number that I hope to learn more about as well.
This is what my 40 Days of Conscious Living is about...
"Don't get so caught up in the details of whether you are "doing it right"
that you become paralyzed to doing anything.
If you are trying, you ARE doing it right." Kate
If you are trying, you ARE doing it right." Kate
A huge part of being conscious through out my, as cheesy as this sounds, is asking myself "How am I feeling?" My brother had a consultation with a friend of mine that does Joy Coaching. She's the one who pointed this out and for whatever reason, it has sat with me. I am a very reactive person. I get angry easily. Last night I knew why I was mad, and though I did not make the best choices, I at least told Rob WHY I was so flaming mad. I've heard that anger is a secondary emotion. The first emotion that I was feeling was burdened. Whether I should have felt that way or not is another story. I apologized for my behavior to my kids and I need to do the same to Rob. We'll also have to discuss how I feel when he's annoyed that the baby nurses loudly or she's in bed with us after I nurse like this morning. I climbed out of bed at 5:51am and I'm SOOOO tired since I crashed at 1am. Obviously I chose to have these quiet times and I think it will be fine if I can get a nap later! Okay, moving on....
So, more about how I feel. In the quote above it mentions "doing it right." In my mind, I feel that I should be doing x, y, and z most days to be a successful wife and mother. Since I'm not consistent about most everything in my life I usually shut down and doing nothing or nearly nothing. As Rob puts it, I do the bare minimum (if that). I own it! I have rarely ever lived up to my potential. I think my perspective about myself is unique. I say this without meaning to sound pompous or anything, but I feel that if I were to do my best or as this quote says, **TRY** I could do amazing things for my family, myself, and my community. Some people have self esteem issues, we all do in some way, but I'm not worried about my abilities. I just have this crushing habit of avoiding what I NEED to do and what I COULD do to bless our lives.
I'm not sure how this will work because it's not a specific goal per se, but it boils down to trying each day to be a better person... to be closer to God and my family by making small strides in that direction without letting life's stresses bring me down to the point where I don't care about what I need to do. And these obstacles will absolutely come such as limited finances since Rob just started a new job with less pay after a few weeks without work. I know it will be okay, but I'm trying to be conscious about the fact that it won't be easy & I am almost always driven by how I feel instead of what I should do. Below is what I've done to make today a successful day. I'll check back later to post how the rest of my day went.
Moving Forward
Calm Heart Meditation for a handful of minutes.
Read 1 chapter of my scriptures.
Yoga- Energizing Morning Sequence.
This is huge for me: I prayed kneeling and out loud.
Later...
Danced with my girls, though they were mostly staring at my moves :-P
Said yes when I wanted to say no.
Tried really hard to NOT flip my lid at bed time with child getting out incessantly, but failed. Could have been worse though.
I know there were more, but since I'm adding these the next day they're foggy now. I'll try to stay on top so I don't forget!
Later...
Danced with my girls, though they were mostly staring at my moves :-P
Said yes when I wanted to say no.
Tried really hard to NOT flip my lid at bed time with child getting out incessantly, but failed. Could have been worse though.
I know there were more, but since I'm adding these the next day they're foggy now. I'll try to stay on top so I don't forget!
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
As you can tell it's been a while since I posted! I've made a couple of blogs and haven't gotten into the grove of blogging, mostly because I don't enjoy self reflection. Same reason why I don't journal hardly anymore. And that thing called time. Go figure.
I can't honeslty write much because I'm slowly fading here at nearly 1am. I was soooo tired this morning I was dozing off while the kiddos watched some shows with their cousin Lyric :-) And yet I'm still up because it's quiet and it's me time. Megan, our newest addition is awake and happy at the moment, but momentarily I'll be scooping her up for a diaper change and nursing in bed.
I have a ton on my mind. I don't want to complain and I always write about wanting to change, but never do it. So, I'll spare those things and say that I love my family and I love my life. I want to figure out HOW to actually behave like that is the case. I am such an angry, grumpy person it's awful. I know it's largely feeling overwhelmed. But why am I so withdrawn from my kids?! I hate writing that this is the case. UGH. Okay, tomrrow is another day. My brain feels like mush.
I am grateful for:
1. My brother Patrick.
2. Learning about ways to make us happier/healthier like laughter, energy healing, nutrition, etc.
3. Forgiving children and husband.
4. Husband that's willing to work hard and be in pain so that we can have a roof over our head.
5. My amazing body and the ability to bring human life into this world.
6. Friends that share their experiences so that I feel motivated/inspired.
7. Being happily married- being unhappy in our marriage SUCKS.
8. My children's imagination and enthusiasm that seems to have left my grown-up self.
9. Parents that care about me, how I feel, what I'm doing, LOVE and interact with our kids, etc.
10. Heavenly Father and Mother, my Savior, the Spirit.
I can't honeslty write much because I'm slowly fading here at nearly 1am. I was soooo tired this morning I was dozing off while the kiddos watched some shows with their cousin Lyric :-) And yet I'm still up because it's quiet and it's me time. Megan, our newest addition is awake and happy at the moment, but momentarily I'll be scooping her up for a diaper change and nursing in bed.
I have a ton on my mind. I don't want to complain and I always write about wanting to change, but never do it. So, I'll spare those things and say that I love my family and I love my life. I want to figure out HOW to actually behave like that is the case. I am such an angry, grumpy person it's awful. I know it's largely feeling overwhelmed. But why am I so withdrawn from my kids?! I hate writing that this is the case. UGH. Okay, tomrrow is another day. My brain feels like mush.
I am grateful for:
1. My brother Patrick.
2. Learning about ways to make us happier/healthier like laughter, energy healing, nutrition, etc.
3. Forgiving children and husband.
4. Husband that's willing to work hard and be in pain so that we can have a roof over our head.
5. My amazing body and the ability to bring human life into this world.
6. Friends that share their experiences so that I feel motivated/inspired.
7. Being happily married- being unhappy in our marriage SUCKS.
8. My children's imagination and enthusiasm that seems to have left my grown-up self.
9. Parents that care about me, how I feel, what I'm doing, LOVE and interact with our kids, etc.
10. Heavenly Father and Mother, my Savior, the Spirit.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Pregnancy is Amazing
For now I did sign up to get e-mails with my baby's development. It is really fascinating to see it from the beginning, to be more conscious of how important these beginning stages are. Like right now the baby is the size of a poppy seed which is not much bigger than a period <.> Wow. Next week the baby's organs already start developing and the baby's heart starts beating at six weeks. I've known this already, but I don't know how much I've thought about it this early on. It still, and will always amaze me. The human body is amazing, how it's created and grows prenatally. So, I want to make sure I'm getting what I need to ensure, as best I can, that the baby has everything s/he needs to develop.
When I started feeling nauseous and not knowing why because it was so odd (stomach flu), I did start taking a B Complex for the folic acid. When I felt really icky I didn't so it wasn't perfect, but I don't know that I've ever taken a prenatal before I got pregnant to ensure I had it the first month, when it's most important. Bad, I know. So, I'm back to taking it anyway. I'm also trying to eat two eggs most days for the protein. That's a big "Bradley" thing. I can't remember what the diet is actually called. I'll probably do some hunting to see what else I can find because it's also recommended to have several dairy items. I drink 90% less milk than I have for any pregnancy because for the last several months I've cut it out for the most part due to my lactose sensitivity, aka I love milk, it doesn't love me :-P And from things I've learned this last year, it's not all its cracked up to be anyway.
I'm starting to feel the tiredness a bit. I need to get to bed right now! It's almost 11pm. I want to make sure I'm not up past 11pm anymore, except on a rare occasion perhaps and aim more for 10pm so I get adequate rest. Even when I'm not pregnant, if I'm SUPER exhausted because I got only a few-handful of hours of sleep. I get queasy. So, I don't need to add that to the potential that's there already. I've felt a bit queasy here or there, but thankfully it doesn't last. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I really need to get my butt in gear this week and get the house picked up and do some major laundry overhauling. This way, I'm better prepared on many levels. That's it for now. Good night.
PS Tomorrow Aime and Tyler are revealing what sex their baby is. Kim is baking a cake and it will have blue or pink in the middle :-P Since it is miss Aimee though, she couldn't hold out and told both myself and Rob separately :-P It's a BOY! Tomorrow is also Grannie and Grandpa Steffler's 65th Wedding Anniversary. How special! So I need to get in bed because I need to make a German Chocolate Cake before church. Ahhh! Wish me luck :-)
When I started feeling nauseous and not knowing why because it was so odd (stomach flu), I did start taking a B Complex for the folic acid. When I felt really icky I didn't so it wasn't perfect, but I don't know that I've ever taken a prenatal before I got pregnant to ensure I had it the first month, when it's most important. Bad, I know. So, I'm back to taking it anyway. I'm also trying to eat two eggs most days for the protein. That's a big "Bradley" thing. I can't remember what the diet is actually called. I'll probably do some hunting to see what else I can find because it's also recommended to have several dairy items. I drink 90% less milk than I have for any pregnancy because for the last several months I've cut it out for the most part due to my lactose sensitivity, aka I love milk, it doesn't love me :-P And from things I've learned this last year, it's not all its cracked up to be anyway.
I'm starting to feel the tiredness a bit. I need to get to bed right now! It's almost 11pm. I want to make sure I'm not up past 11pm anymore, except on a rare occasion perhaps and aim more for 10pm so I get adequate rest. Even when I'm not pregnant, if I'm SUPER exhausted because I got only a few-handful of hours of sleep. I get queasy. So, I don't need to add that to the potential that's there already. I've felt a bit queasy here or there, but thankfully it doesn't last. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I really need to get my butt in gear this week and get the house picked up and do some major laundry overhauling. This way, I'm better prepared on many levels. That's it for now. Good night.
PS Tomorrow Aime and Tyler are revealing what sex their baby is. Kim is baking a cake and it will have blue or pink in the middle :-P Since it is miss Aimee though, she couldn't hold out and told both myself and Rob separately :-P It's a BOY! Tomorrow is also Grannie and Grandpa Steffler's 65th Wedding Anniversary. How special! So I need to get in bed because I need to make a German Chocolate Cake before church. Ahhh! Wish me luck :-)
Friday, September 23, 2011
Need to write down my thoughts!
On Tuesday I learned that I am expecting our 5th child! I was going to be a patient, understanding wife when Rob got home nearly, ten hours after I found out, and let him sit down and listen to his day. When he walked in the door and said "Someone's been busy!" (Thank you dear for noticing my efforts in picking up... yes I wanted you in a good mood :-) I gave him a hug and whispered with a grin "I'm pregnant!" His immediate response was "Ohh,I'm not surprised," as in "oh boy!" He told me after he sit down and looked slightly dazed that he was actually thinking about it on the way home, wondering if I was pregnant and if my period hadn't come, he wanted me to pee on a stick tonight. Done!
We both feel like we should wait to tell anyone. It's so new and unreal in many ways. We'd been wondering, mostly me since I started feeling nauseous two weeks ago, but that ended up being a lovely stomach flu. Since that's faded (thank goodness!) I have felt a little queasy a couple of times, but it's entirely mild and I'm going to enjoy that while I can. I tend to get fairly nauseous I'm guessing around 8 weeks or so. I remember that for my 2nd pregnancy because I was traveling so it hit hard, but it didn't go away after I got home. Some with my last pregnancy. Wow, I'm going to stop thinking about feeling that way. NOT looking forward to that.
I looked up wrist bands at a friend's suggestion. Yes, Becca is my one friend that knows. I had to tell someone, a girl, that I can talk to :-D I didn't see anything 'colorful' except for the child size that she got for her daughter for her bus rides. I've read that peppermint can be helpful and ginger and orange essential oil. I have the first, but I might look into ginger since that stood out the most when I looked it up. Maybe some ginger things to suck on to. I just want to be armed because being nauseous STINKS!
Well, I'll write super soon. TONS of my mind! The scary movie that I incidentally rented and could not finish is over so I'll chat with Rob. Be back soon. Later!
Okay, so this post was started last night and I had to change the blog name and title since in my tiredness, I mistakenly misquoted Elder Oaks :-P
So, I just have to say that I am happy and trying to be humbly grateful. I feel blessed for being super fertile. I feel silly for telling everybody and their brother that I'm not ready to have a baby two years a part. Sorry baby. Now that it's a reality I feel fine! My attitude is entirely different than when we learned of my pregnancy with Addy. Lots of mixed emotions. It was a rough time financially. I was so mad at myself for letting myself go and gaining weight right before I got pregnant. Not going to be THAT girl! This is too important and I'm so glad that Addy decided to come when she did. She's awesome!!! All of our girls are.
I am 15 pounds over weight. It was nearly 20ish until I got the stomach flu. I'll make a page all about Gettin' Movin' for this pregnancy. I am going to be in shape if I can help it! And by that, I don't mean lose weight. I just mean, healthy, flexible, and strong. I do worry about exhaustion and nausea sucking my desire from me, but perhaps with simple goals and lots of prayer for help, I'll be fine. For now though, I have walked or done yoga or both every day sine Tuesday, when I found out, and I feel GREAT! I know now is the time to take advantage of what I can do with not so pregnant belly and to keep progressing while I grow, not after I've grown a ton and my body is all the more out of shape. Uh uh!
Yesterday I was able to attend the temple to do baptisms after I dropped off Bri at pre-school and Addy at my friend and visiting teacher Erika's house. Rob was at an appointment for his CT scan on his eye and brain since he's lost vision this year. It started last November and he figured he needed glasses, got them in Feb. Went back in March with no help for the right eye, went to the Moran Eye Center to see a neuro opthamologist, discovered it's his retina that's causing the issue, later saw a retinologist, did a BUNCH of testing with both people, blood work up the wazoo, and no answers. So, I'm hoping and praying that there won't be anything life threatening that they fine. Part of me hopes there's an answer so it can be rectified and part of me figures no answer might not be so bad because I don't want a brain tumor to be the answer! I'm grateful, however, that I've learned about natural therapies to fight cancer and other issues. He's not open to this stuff, unless there aren't other options.
His CT scan took a total of 20 minutes, which he ended up doing later in the day since they hadn't approved it with our insurance until later in the day. He has an IV with iodine in it, I assume to be looking at the vessels in his eye/head. His appointment in SLC with Dr. Vitale, the retinologist is Monday October 3rd.
Okay, back to the temple. I have only been once I think since Addy was born. I've meant to go and just didn't make it happen. I even asked my Mom a while back about me attempting to go once a week. I would love that! I was the only person there and the people were so friendly. I love that. I used to feel awkward since I'm an adult. Not anymore. I'm just glad to be in the temple and to help others who may be waiting to be a part of the Gospel. I actually felt the spirit very strongly there. I think I was just glad to be there, where it's peaceful and holy. I didn't want to leave. After I was done, I sat in the chapel and read my scriptures and prayed. It was so wonderful.
When I picked up Addy Erika said she was great and followed her around. Thank you! I'd never left her alone with anyone I don't think, besides family. She's usually with her sisters. As we picked up toys Erika said whenever I want to go, just let her know. And I said whenever you're willing, I'll go. "If you want to go once a week, that would be fine," and the tears started. "Really? ...Thank you." So Thursday's my day do go. I'm so grateful to Erika and so happy!
I truly believe that by going often, having it in my mind to be prepared spiritually to go, will help me in my mothering and learning to love Rob unconditionally. Since I learned of our pregnancy, I have dropped the "Me, me, me song." I want to be close to Rob and be there for each other for so many reasons, especially right now. I can't do that very well if I'm whining instead of counting my blessings and doing my best. I think perspective will help me make the small and big decisions in my life that affect myself and my family. I KNOW that if I learn to be cheerful and affectionate and giving, Rob will change his attitude as well. We've felt very stuck for a while since we are so different, our interests are different, and we're thinking about ourselves instead of each other. I truly believe that one of the most common things that destroys marriages is selfishness.
Some things I want to implement, but I have a very hard time doing are daily scripture study and prayer (we do okay on prayers, but still need improvement) and weekly Family Home Evening- including Rob. I have attempted it by myself and that's nice, but it's not our whole family, which doesn't feel right anymore. My plan is to use the lessons for ValuesParenting.com because they are about values, not spiritual things. I'm sure we can incorporate that into it, but for now I want to focus on building family unity and helping Rob to lead our family. He's largely given up on that role beause am admittedly and control freak! My way or the highway, which has to stop. I've been better lately. We need to work together. It's not easy when we completely disagree so it will be a work in progress, that's for sure.
Lastly, I want to teach Emma to read and help Katie improve on her reading. She did the reading program at school this summer and she stayed at the same level which is good because she at least didn't get behind. We have largely failed her though, I'm sad to admit because we've gotten worse and worse about reading stories. I often don't have the desire or patience and Rob doesn't love to read out loud and now he can't see well out of the one eye. I forgot to mention that his vision is 20/100! I don't do well with setting goals, but I am a list maker so I'm hoping this will be a place to gather my thoughts, and keep track of my efforts to be the wife and mother I am meant to be. This is my work; the most important thing I will ever do in this life.
We both feel like we should wait to tell anyone. It's so new and unreal in many ways. We'd been wondering, mostly me since I started feeling nauseous two weeks ago, but that ended up being a lovely stomach flu. Since that's faded (thank goodness!) I have felt a little queasy a couple of times, but it's entirely mild and I'm going to enjoy that while I can. I tend to get fairly nauseous I'm guessing around 8 weeks or so. I remember that for my 2nd pregnancy because I was traveling so it hit hard, but it didn't go away after I got home. Some with my last pregnancy. Wow, I'm going to stop thinking about feeling that way. NOT looking forward to that.
I looked up wrist bands at a friend's suggestion. Yes, Becca is my one friend that knows. I had to tell someone, a girl, that I can talk to :-D I didn't see anything 'colorful' except for the child size that she got for her daughter for her bus rides. I've read that peppermint can be helpful and ginger and orange essential oil. I have the first, but I might look into ginger since that stood out the most when I looked it up. Maybe some ginger things to suck on to. I just want to be armed because being nauseous STINKS!
Well, I'll write super soon. TONS of my mind! The scary movie that I incidentally rented and could not finish is over so I'll chat with Rob. Be back soon. Later!
Okay, so this post was started last night and I had to change the blog name and title since in my tiredness, I mistakenly misquoted Elder Oaks :-P
So, I just have to say that I am happy and trying to be humbly grateful. I feel blessed for being super fertile. I feel silly for telling everybody and their brother that I'm not ready to have a baby two years a part. Sorry baby. Now that it's a reality I feel fine! My attitude is entirely different than when we learned of my pregnancy with Addy. Lots of mixed emotions. It was a rough time financially. I was so mad at myself for letting myself go and gaining weight right before I got pregnant. Not going to be THAT girl! This is too important and I'm so glad that Addy decided to come when she did. She's awesome!!! All of our girls are.
I am 15 pounds over weight. It was nearly 20ish until I got the stomach flu. I'll make a page all about Gettin' Movin' for this pregnancy. I am going to be in shape if I can help it! And by that, I don't mean lose weight. I just mean, healthy, flexible, and strong. I do worry about exhaustion and nausea sucking my desire from me, but perhaps with simple goals and lots of prayer for help, I'll be fine. For now though, I have walked or done yoga or both every day sine Tuesday, when I found out, and I feel GREAT! I know now is the time to take advantage of what I can do with not so pregnant belly and to keep progressing while I grow, not after I've grown a ton and my body is all the more out of shape. Uh uh!
Yesterday I was able to attend the temple to do baptisms after I dropped off Bri at pre-school and Addy at my friend and visiting teacher Erika's house. Rob was at an appointment for his CT scan on his eye and brain since he's lost vision this year. It started last November and he figured he needed glasses, got them in Feb. Went back in March with no help for the right eye, went to the Moran Eye Center to see a neuro opthamologist, discovered it's his retina that's causing the issue, later saw a retinologist, did a BUNCH of testing with both people, blood work up the wazoo, and no answers. So, I'm hoping and praying that there won't be anything life threatening that they fine. Part of me hopes there's an answer so it can be rectified and part of me figures no answer might not be so bad because I don't want a brain tumor to be the answer! I'm grateful, however, that I've learned about natural therapies to fight cancer and other issues. He's not open to this stuff, unless there aren't other options.
His CT scan took a total of 20 minutes, which he ended up doing later in the day since they hadn't approved it with our insurance until later in the day. He has an IV with iodine in it, I assume to be looking at the vessels in his eye/head. His appointment in SLC with Dr. Vitale, the retinologist is Monday October 3rd.
Okay, back to the temple. I have only been once I think since Addy was born. I've meant to go and just didn't make it happen. I even asked my Mom a while back about me attempting to go once a week. I would love that! I was the only person there and the people were so friendly. I love that. I used to feel awkward since I'm an adult. Not anymore. I'm just glad to be in the temple and to help others who may be waiting to be a part of the Gospel. I actually felt the spirit very strongly there. I think I was just glad to be there, where it's peaceful and holy. I didn't want to leave. After I was done, I sat in the chapel and read my scriptures and prayed. It was so wonderful.
When I picked up Addy Erika said she was great and followed her around. Thank you! I'd never left her alone with anyone I don't think, besides family. She's usually with her sisters. As we picked up toys Erika said whenever I want to go, just let her know. And I said whenever you're willing, I'll go. "If you want to go once a week, that would be fine," and the tears started. "Really? ...Thank you." So Thursday's my day do go. I'm so grateful to Erika and so happy!
I truly believe that by going often, having it in my mind to be prepared spiritually to go, will help me in my mothering and learning to love Rob unconditionally. Since I learned of our pregnancy, I have dropped the "Me, me, me song." I want to be close to Rob and be there for each other for so many reasons, especially right now. I can't do that very well if I'm whining instead of counting my blessings and doing my best. I think perspective will help me make the small and big decisions in my life that affect myself and my family. I KNOW that if I learn to be cheerful and affectionate and giving, Rob will change his attitude as well. We've felt very stuck for a while since we are so different, our interests are different, and we're thinking about ourselves instead of each other. I truly believe that one of the most common things that destroys marriages is selfishness.
Some things I want to implement, but I have a very hard time doing are daily scripture study and prayer (we do okay on prayers, but still need improvement) and weekly Family Home Evening- including Rob. I have attempted it by myself and that's nice, but it's not our whole family, which doesn't feel right anymore. My plan is to use the lessons for ValuesParenting.com because they are about values, not spiritual things. I'm sure we can incorporate that into it, but for now I want to focus on building family unity and helping Rob to lead our family. He's largely given up on that role beause am admittedly and control freak! My way or the highway, which has to stop. I've been better lately. We need to work together. It's not easy when we completely disagree so it will be a work in progress, that's for sure.
Lastly, I want to teach Emma to read and help Katie improve on her reading. She did the reading program at school this summer and she stayed at the same level which is good because she at least didn't get behind. We have largely failed her though, I'm sad to admit because we've gotten worse and worse about reading stories. I often don't have the desire or patience and Rob doesn't love to read out loud and now he can't see well out of the one eye. I forgot to mention that his vision is 20/100! I don't do well with setting goals, but I am a list maker so I'm hoping this will be a place to gather my thoughts, and keep track of my efforts to be the wife and mother I am meant to be. This is my work; the most important thing I will ever do in this life.
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